How to Survive Heartbreak with Borderline Personality Disorder

Updated: Mar 26

Heartbreak is horrible for all of us. It can shatter anyone's reality, completely flip life upside down, and leave behind emotional scars. One of the hardest things about having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is experiencing heartbreak. How can one survive a mental breakdown during heartbreak?

When your heart is broken, there is no way to describe it as “feeling sad.” The pain may feel like it's tearing you apart from your core, inside out, and the only thoughts of reprieve from the pain can be suicidal. The pain can be so intense you feel like dying, and if you are not, you might want to. This article may also help deal with heartbreak for someone without having BPD.


How to get through heartbreak with BPD

People with borderline personality disorder often have experienced various instances of suicidal ideation in their life, most of which have followed the demise of relationships. It can’t be described how painful the feelings of abandonment and loneliness are.


It's painful to see the other person move on without the same strong reaction as you have. Knowing that the pain tears you apart while seeing the other person functioning remarkably better adds to the torment.


While time has passed since your last heartbreak and those that came before, they continue to touch you on a deep level, and the memories hurt you in your core when they get triggered.


Living with borderline personality disorder can make you feel as if your heart never fully heals. The memories are often just as strong as before, no matter how much time has gone by, which can recreate that raw pain. But there is hope, even when you feel hopeless.


Surviving heartbreak is one of the hardest things you may experience as a person living with BPD, but it is not impossible. While there is still pain from past heartbreaks, new ones will appear. Some techniques can help you survive the pain.


If you are currently in a state of pain from heartbreak, you might feel like nothing is going to help you from these negative feelings. In fact, the moment you searched for this page, you're believing that something can help you. The only one who can push yourself through this is yourself. Not meaning you have to do it alone.


In case you require a listening ear, you can contact me here.



Techniques to get through heartbreak for someone with BPD


1. Belief in the fact that the emotion is temporary.

One of the issues someone with BPD experiences is when feeling a negative emotion, it feels as though the feeling is permanent, and it is impossible to remember how life felt before.


One of the beneficial things with BPD is that most times, the emotion passes quickly. It gets replaced by another emotion. Whichever emotion is on the surface is just a temporary state. Understanding this may already help you get through the emotional experiences.


Keep reminding yourself, what you're feeling will pass, despite how strongly you may feel it. Hoping that the truth alone will bring you some hope.


2. Ride the emotional waves.

When heartbroken, intense emotions will come one after another, which you can refer to as an emotional storm. Acting on each emotion feels like the normal thing to do, however, there is no need to act on each emotion. People with BPD often make bad decisions when facing strong emotions, which they may regret later.


Visualize riding a wave with each new emotion that surfaces and allow yourself to fully feel each one, but knowing you do not have to act on them. Understanding that someone with BPD feels so much deeper than those who don’t live with BPD. Looking at your emotions from a different perspective might help with the situation.


3. Don't expect others to feel the same way you do.

The expectation of others in a breakup not feeling as strongly as you do may be hard to learn, accept, or wrap your mind around.


Just because someone else doesn't feel their emotions as strongly as you do doesn’t imply that the relationship did not mean anything to them. They are just processing the breakup in their own way, and that's fine. Work on focusing on yourself and surfing your own emotions without assuming what the other person is feeling.


4. Take a step back before reacting.

Someone with BPD may want to react immediately without having a second thought about the repercussions. When your emotions are urging, take a step back to see the bigger picture and determine whether your actions are impulsive or if they will serve you in the long run. Also, consider how they will affect the other individual. Often, people with BPD hurt others with impulsive responses without intending to do so.


Read more on Moving on after heartbreak with false hope


Final thoughts

Take a deep breath while you ride your emotions. If you struggle with self-harm, ensure that your environment is safe by putting away dangerous items.


Take your time to understand that you're feeling intense pain and that your emotions are valid, even though they are stronger than what others might be experiencing. Self-care entails paying attention to oneself with kindness and reminding yourself that the pain you're experiencing right now will pass and become less frequent over time.


Heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences you may experience living with BPD. Over time you can learn to cope with the emotions and become stronger. You are not alone.


If you struggle with your mental health, you can find help online or through your general practitioner or corporate doctor. Depending on the nature and severity of your difficulties, they can treat you or refer you to other mental health specialists.


If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can go to this link for suicidal hotlines.