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Managing Impulsivity in BPD: Impulse Control for Impulsive Behavior

Impulse control is a significant challenge for individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The intense emotions, unstable self-image, and impulsivity associated with BPD can make it difficult for individuals to resist immediate impulses and emotional reactions. However, the skill of ignoring oneself, which many people overlook, can have a profound impact on our well-being and impulse control.

BPD decision making

In this article, we will explore why individuals with BPD struggle with impulse control and how ignoring oneself can assist them in overcoming this challenge and promoting a healthier lifestyle, both mentally and physically.

Understanding Impulsivity in BPD

Impulsivity, a defining characteristic of BPD, plays a significant role in the lives of individuals with this condition. It manifests in various ways. Common examples of impulsive behavior in individuals with BPD include engaging in impulsive spending, succumbing to substance abuse, resorting to self-harm, participating in risky sexual behaviors, or initiating conflicts with loved ones. It is crucial to recognize that individuals with BPD often struggle with regulating their impulses, acting on them impulsively without fully considering the potential consequences. This lack of impulse control can make it challenging in resisting immediate gratification and disregarding their own needs or desires.

The Cycle of Immediate Gratification

One of the reasons individuals with BPD find it challenging to manage their impulses is the cycle of immediate gratification. When they experience an intense desire or impulse, giving in to it provides temporary relief or distraction from their emotional pain. For example, engaging in impulsive shopping may temporarily alleviate feelings of emptiness or low self-worth. However, this immediate gratification is short-lived and often followed by feelings of guilt, regret, or further emotional turmoil. This cycle of impulsive reactions to emotions can perpetuate a pattern of instability and hinder their ability to make thoughtful and balanced choices.

The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

People with BPD often struggle with the fear of missing out (FOMO), which makes it even harder for them to control their impulses. They feel this overwhelming need to be included, accepted, and loved, so they end up saying yes to every opportunity or request that comes their way. This fear of missing out on experiences or relationships makes it really tough for them to prioritize their own needs and set boundaries. As a result, it becomes difficult for them to ignore their impulses. It's important to understand and address this fear so that individuals with BPD can find a balance between their own well-being and the fear of missing out on what's happening around them.

''In a world full of distractions, ignoring ourselves and resisting impulses leads us closer to our true desires and inner peace.''

Building Impulse Control in BPD

While ignoring oneself may seem counterintuitive, it is crucial for individuals with BPD to develop healthy impulse control as part of their overall well-being. Here are some strategies that can help:

1. Mindfulness and Self-Awareness Practicing mindfulness goes hand in hand with developing self-awareness, enabling individuals with BPD to recognize their impulses as they emerge. By cultivating the ability to observe their thoughts and emotions without judgment or immediate action, they gain better control over their impulses. This self-awareness allows them to make conscious choices about whether it's better to act on their impulses or ignore them and let them pass, which empowers them to respond in ways that align with their overall well-being.

2. Delayed Gratification Instead of immediately giving in to impulses, individuals with BPD can benefit from practicing delayed gratification. Taking a pause and considering the potential consequences or long-term effects of their actions gives them the opportunity to make more informed decisions. By reflecting on the potential outcomes, they can weigh the immediate satisfaction against their larger goals and well-being, making choices that have a more positive impact on their lives.

3. Thought Challenge BPD often involves distorted thinking patterns, which can contribute to impulsive behavior. Individuals can learn to challenge their thoughts and impulses by examining the evidence, questioning assumptions, and considering alternative perspectives. This process helps them gain a more balanced view of their impulses and counteracts the influence of distorted thinking. By challenging their thoughts, they can resist impulsive behaviors driven by faulty perceptions and make choices that are grounded in a more accurate understanding of reality.

4. Emotional Regulation Techniques Emotion dysregulation is a common struggle for individuals with BPD, often leading to impulsive reactions. Learning and practicing healthy coping mechanisms specifically designed to regulate emotions can be incredibly beneficial. Techniques such as deep breathing exercises, grounding exercises, or engaging in activities that promote emotional well-being provide individuals with tools to manage intense emotions effectively. By adopting these techniques, they can reduce impulsive reactions driven by overwhelming emotions and make choices aligned with their values and long-term stability.

5. Setting Boundaries Establishing and maintaining personal boundaries is crucial for individuals with BPD. By recognizing their own needs and communicating them assertively, they can protect their well-being and resist impulsive behaviors that may undermine their mental health. Setting boundaries empowers them to prioritize self-care and make choices that are in line with their personal values and goals. It allows them to say no when necessary, asserting their own needs and limits while fostering healthier relationships and interactions.

6. Seeking Support Navigating BPD can be challenging, and seeking support is crucial. Connecting with therapists, joining support groups, or relying on loved ones who understand and respect their struggles provides invaluable guidance, validation, and accountability in their journey toward healthier impulse control. Support networks can offer insights, coping strategies, and encouragement, creating a safe space for individuals with BPD to discuss their challenges, gain perspective, and receive ongoing support as they work towards managing their impulses effectively.


Ignoring oneself is a skill that individuals with BPD often struggle with due to their impulsivity and fear of missing out. However, developing healthy impulse control is vital for their overall well-being and stability. By practicing mindfulness, delayed gratification, challenging their thoughts, emotional regulation techniques, setting boundaries, and seeking support, individuals with BPD can gradually gain control over their impulses, prioritize their needs, and foster healthier self-care. Remember, breaking the cycle of impulsivity is a gradual process that requires patience, self-compassion, and consistent effort, but it can lead to significant improvements in their emotional well-being and overall quality of life.


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