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BPD Feeling Like a Failure

Updated: Mar 27, 2022

We like success, and we adore the people that succeed even though success is predictable. Failure is something we often don't talk about. However, when we fail it can be like an art project that took on a mind of its own. There are so many more ways to fail than to succeed, which is why failure is far more interesting. Unfortunately, when someone with BPD fails, it can feel like the end of something.

Why do we make such an effort to run from failure, and decide not to discuss them? What would happen, if instead of avoiding failure, we steered into it? How would it change the way we make decisions in our life? In this article, you will be shown that failure is key to success. To assist someone with BPD changing their view of failing.

BPD and Failure

When something goes wrong, people with BPD tend to want to give up easily. This is due to their black and white thinking, also known as splitting. Even a small loss can make someone with BPD want to give up entirely. They don't see a bright side because they're overwhelmed by negative emotions. They have low self-esteem and are quick to judge themselves as complete failures. For them, their feelings often directly correlate to facts. If they have a gut feeling about something, they believe it to be true to a large extent. Suicidal tendencies or self-harm can be involved when something fails due to their inability to regulate emotions.

You must remind yourself that feelings are not the same as facts. It doesn't mean you are a failure just because you feel like one. It's a shame if someone with BPD gives up because they are extremely creative and capable of great success.

How can someone with Borderline work themselves to success without seeing oneself as a failure?

Borderline: from Failure to Success

Failure is the stepping stone to success. Even so, failing and portraying our failures makes us feel extremely uncomfortable. In our current society, it's not polite to talk about someone's failures, and in doing so, we miss out on how important the concept of failure may be for us. It's a resource that can be used for a future full of success.

Whenever you make a decision in life you do so in consideration of failure. We make decisions with the goal of a successful outcome. Whenever we aim to accomplish anything we’re naturally aiming away from potential failures. This is normal since it isn't pleasant to be made aware that you’re not good enough at something. We often forget humanity itself is a failed project. Failure is written into the equation of life.

Written into every formula of failure: - You wanted to do something. - You believed you were capable of completing the task. - You aimed for success. - You are faced with reality and hit the limitations of your abilities. - You failed.

Failure has a very unique place in our hearts. It has a special kind of omnipresence that other aspects of life just do not have. Successes and triumphs are temporary, but failure sticks with you. Every failure is something you carry with you forever. A companion that follows you no matter where you decide to move or how you decide to act. Would you rather be friends or enemies with that companion?

''Contradicting yourself is just part of being an honest person who is alive, learning, growing, and participating in life.''

Why failure is important for success

Ironically, having a close relationship with failure is one of the most beneficial places to be if you want to succeed in anything. Since there is something you get from failure that you can not get from success. It gives you an honest picture of who you actually are.

How can someone ever truly know how good he is at something until he dares to challenge himself enough to fail. This is the only way to find out where your limitations are.

People with a perfect win ratio are pretty lost when it comes to figuring out where they are on the map of life. Imagine having the best compass in the world. How can you find where you want to be if you don’t even know where you’re starting from? Failure is the gateway to truly knowing who you are and what you're capable of.

“In failure, the greatness of a catastrophe is where you can get to know someone.”

Failure has a unique ability to show you exactly where you are, which success just can’t do. Failure is a voice of reason that keeps us honest with ourselves.

Failure leads to success. So, how do we not run from potential failures and start steering into them? To accomplish this, we will have to completely reframe the way we look at it.

Failure is the first step to success

What if you see it as something beautiful, unique, and interesting. Imagine never having to worry about failing at anything again. As if you saw failure as the only way to truly see how far you’ve come since the last time you've failed. An opportunity to get a one-on-one personalized lesson on how to adjust your strategy for success next time.

Someone who has had several failures in life has also lived a life where they were courageous enough to try new things. They misjudged their abilities and aimed too high at times, but at least they did something. Worse than being a failure, is being so terrified of failing that you sit around and never do anything with your life.

We go out of our way to make sure we never cross paths with failure. When we finally face it, we look at the entire interaction as a negative, painful experience. They're too ashamed to discuss it, so they never do.

Being able to express ourselves with our failures makes it a little more bearable to deal with. Most people do not even have that as an option when it comes to their failures. Acting as though your failures do not exist has no beneficial use for you and anyone around.

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Failure is way more interesting than success. Every failure is like a runaway art project. Every person embodying failure is a painting that requires an explanation from the artist.

We live in a world where so many people want to wear the medals in public but are not willing to do the work to earn the medals in private.

Final thoughts about failure

We could theoretically live a life in which we never try anything and therefore never experience failure. In the same way, we can rationalize away feelings of dread and melancholy.

Sometimes we need to push ourselves into existence. We need to reach into areas where we could potentially fail to ensure that we are still going forward in life. Worst case scenario you do fail, but at least you know who you truly are at that moment.

However, the trick is being able to realize that failure is not the worst-case scenario. In a lot of ways, constant success would be the worst. At the end of the day, failure is success in progress.

In our current society, we should embrace failure. If we don't, we will not be able to develop as a whole. We only want to show our good sides, but it doesn't have any value if there are only good sides. We can learn more from defeat than from triumph.

1 Comment

Glenn T
Glenn T
Sep 11, 2021

Learn from failure. That will make you great!🙏🏼

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