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Hospitalization of a Person Suffering from BPD

Updated: Jun 4, 2022

A mental hospital, often known as a psychiatric institution or psych ward, is designed for people who have psychological disorders and require intensive care to avoid harming others or themselves. You've probably heard of it before, but your expectations might be different from what the reality is. In this article, I share my experience at a mental hospital.

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or depression, you should seek help from a mental health professional.

Why do some people say psych wards are bad?

The "psych ward" is still one of the most stigmatized places for mental care. Despite the changes in public views about mental health, the imagery of psych wards in society are still patients tied to beds, electroconvulsive treatment, and rooms with padded walls. These negative stereotypes are all around us. Cinema uses mental wards as settings for horror, tours to "haunted" asylums are advertised in travel guides, and psychiatric hospitals are still a factor in the creation of Halloween rides.

Despite public views that psych wards are imprisoning individuals, many patients choose to enter the clinic voluntarily and stay only for a few days or weeks. Discussions occur with the patient about whether or not a patient should get medications. Physical exams, vital-signs checks, and lab tests are performed on patients to ensure their health.

It's a place where people pick up the pieces of their life that have been shattered by illnesses. Doctors, nurses, social workers, and psychologists work together to treat the ill and guide patients out of the abyss. Patients may find hope in one another by discussing their stories, opening up in groups, sharing meals, and experiencing the comfort of shared experiences.

Every institute is different, and it mainly depends on the country and the associated rules. This article is focused on my experience and how I felt about it. I'm hoping it may be helpful to someone out there.

Because so much has happened, it's difficult to know what to say and what not to say in this article. I'll leave certain details out and attempt to describe it in such a manner that you can take something useful out of all this. The most important aspect of my articles will always remain the same: You should know that you are not alone if you can relate to what I'm writing.

My BPD Background

I have suffered from symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder since I was little due to a traumatic childhood. And therefore, I deal with suicidal tendencies. There have been several moments in my life where I was ready to end it.

I have suicidal thoughts every day, but there is a difference between the thoughts by themselves and really wanting it. The last time I really wanted to end it was when the most important person disappeared from my life. I didn't want to live with the loss. I was so convinced that I would be in pain for the rest of my life and I wanted to avoid that. During that time, I was unapproachable and no one could influence my perspective on life. I was determined and knew what I wanted. I behaved in such a way that the people around me thought I was in psychosis, it is still not clear whether this was the case.

My family was devastated by everything I did, including expressing that I did not want to live anymore. My family made the right decision to have me taken to a psychiatric institution after several stressful days.

My experience in a mental hospital

The moment I got Hospitalized, I immediately had some remarkable thoughts and feelings. I subconsciously had the feeling that a change was coming in my life, which surprisingly gave me enough energy to talk to the doctors and the people around me. At the time, I didn't realize that, and I was still determined with what I wanted and saw no good outcome. Later on, I realized that oftentimes when someone wants to commit suicide, it is not because the person wants to be dead. The individual wants their life to be different and wants to be out of the reality they're living in. At that moment, suicide seemed like my only option.

The second remarkable thing was that I felt love for my family for the first time in a while. I was left behind, and that's exactly what triggered me. Abandon me, and my emotions come to the surface.

Since I was alone, in an unfamiliar place, with strangers, and individuals who had more serious conditions than me, I dealt with a lot of anxiety from the moment I arrived. I was afraid of the door that led to the hallway because I knew someone, who worked there, could enter my room at any time of day.

I felt as if the door was a dark hole that represented danger. I was too afraid to use the toilet, shower, or sleep. The fear distracted me from the loss that got me to the mental hospital in the first place. There was also a camera in the room that was always on at night. I asked if they can use the camera throughout the day instead of coming into my room for checkups, but my request was denied.

They prescribed me sleep medicine, anxiety medication, and antidepressants daily. The nurses wanted to make sure that everyone gets an average of 8 hours of sleep since routine is important when someone has to recover from addiction or depression. I'm always fairly against the idea of ​​medication, but at that moment nothing interested me anymore so I did what was asked of me. I had moments when I had anxiety attacks and the medication could calm me down within half an hour. Just so you know, the medication I got prescribed can have unwanted effects after a few months or years when used daily, but daily use for a few weeks is not harmful.

The other patients were either addicts, schizophrenic people, or people experiencing mania. I am an introvert and find it difficult to talk to people, let alone individuals who have a condition. It was hard for me to see people like that. You can see that they have no bad intentions, yet they are a danger to themselves and others. The atmosphere that hangs among the people is mainly confusion.

I stayed most of my time in my room because that was where I felt most comfortable. The days felt very long. The morning, afternoon, and evening felt like 3 different days. I mainly wrote about stuff and listened to music, and before going to bed, I watched some series. I wrote down my thoughts and emotions in a journal every day. I noticed that I had mood swings several times a day, and my thoughts were often different than a few hours before. I was lucky to have a family that brought food and kept me company during meeting hours. Seeing other patients that did not get any visits was heartbreaking.

When I was inside the mental hospital, it felt like I didn't belong to the population anymore. It felt as if everything outside the institute didn't exist. After a while, when I gained their trust, I was allowed to go outside for an hour every day. Walking around and seeing other people for the first time made me feel like something was wrong with me. Also, knowing that I had to go back inside was hard to grasp, which made me prefer not to go outside in the first place.

When I was allowed to go home, the first days were very hard. I didn't know what to do because my life stood still. Yet life goes on, and here we are now.

I've heard people scream at night, had the weirdest conversations with other patients, and felt myself slowly getting crazier. Despite all this, I have some horror and funny stories to tell, and I moved past that experience and learned a lot about myself. I'm not cured, and I will have BPD for the rest of my life. I will still struggle with suicidal thoughts, but in the end, being hospitalized helped me. I've lived in fear, but it made me mentally stronger. Everything in life has become a little easier to bear. When I look back, I'm proud of myself.

I'll never be able to get back what I've lost, even though I wish for it every day. But, through time, I will find a way to live with the loss by doing the things that make life worthwhile for me.

If you struggle with suicidal thoughts or depression, you should seek help from a mental health professional.

Every rehabilitation plan includes a period when they must transition from a treatment center to the real world. It's important to keep in contact with your doctor during your detox period to sustain a sober living.


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