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How to Fight Loneliness when you Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Updated: Mar 29, 2022

People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often struggle with loneliness, not the concept of being physically alone, but the emotional feeling of isolation and separateness. Especially young adults and teenagers are dealing with it, for a good reason. Even if you have a partner or a loving family, the fear of being rejected or abandoned can make you feel lonely. If you have depression in addition to BPD, you may separate yourself from others which amplifies the feeling of loneliness.

We often question ourselves, how can we feel alone in a room full of others? In this article, we'll discuss what loneliness is, what loneliness feels like, what the correlation between loneliness and social media is, and where the feeling of loneliness comes from.

BPD loneliness

At this moment, while I talk to you, I'm alone sitting in front of my screen. However, this feels like the opposite of being alone. I'm feeling a form of connection between you, the reader, and myself. To feel loneliness, someone doesn't have to be alone. It can be felt in a room full of others.

Normally, here at MentalCurve, we talk about something that can be thoroughly explained, solved, or brought awareness to. Loneliness, however, is a little more complicated. Since we can't see the underlying problems, we often don't know how to help someone with loneliness.

For example, it's easier to help an individual who is dealing with heartbreak. We can't immediately fix a broken heart for someone, but we can give useful advice. Since loneliness is personal and experienced differently by every individual, it's difficult to give fitting advice. Therefore, loneliness is hard to unravel, and it has to be treated, in a different way, for every individual.

We can't fix something unless the underlying problem is identified. We'll gather as much information as we can, and then we'll see if we can come up with a solution to help you deal with your loneliness.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness seems to be a state of mind. It's a subjective feeling that your social relationships are noticeably less than the quantity or quality that you desire them to be. Loneliness is a condition that exists and a warning sign that something is missing from your life.

Defining loneliness as one singular emotion is a convenient way to state it, however, it's a cluster of emotions. Loneliness is a very imprecise word that has a lot of different interpretations.

"Pain and distress are the difference between loneliness and being alone."

Loneliness can affect people that are old, young, married, single, and even social butterflies.

What does loneliness feel like?

Loneliness is one of the least pleasant feelings to experience. Loneliness feels like an empty void, a sense of no one understanding who you are, a chronic state of stress, and the thought of it being a never-ending experience.

"It's a joy to be hidden, but a disaster not to be found"

Due to an underlying belief of not being good enough, someone can self-blame for not feeling any deep connections. It could make someone want to put on an (emotional) mask in public. After a while, loneliness and isolation will become a comfort blanket with thorns on the inside.

In the end, we're social animals at heart. We want our inner selves to be recognized and found by others.

What is the correlation between loneliness and social media?

Using social media to stay connected is important. However, loneliness is increasing, especially among young adults and teenagers, which is not a coincidence.

18 to 35-year-olds experience loneliness at higher rates than ever before. With this generation, the most significant difference from other generations is social media.

Engagement on social media is a lot different than in real life. In real life, you share both the good and the bad, the triumphs and tribulations. After you shared something, they might share something of theirs. That's how we build connections and grow intimacy in the real world. On social media, we're only seeing people with their good sides. It unconsciously harms our sense of self and gives an inaccurate perspective on others.

"Social media is a bridge but never will be the real world."

According to studies, it matters who you're following on social media. The more "influencers" or strangers you follow, the more distressed and depressed you're likely to be. The more actual friends you follow, the less distressed you're likely to be.

Where does the feeling of loneliness come from?

Being unable to form deep connections with other individuals is the root cause of feeling lonely. When lacking confidence, we put on an emotional mask in public, making other people interact with our fake selves. It withstands us from forming any real connections with other people. It reinforces insecurity since any positive feedback is towards the mask. Putting off the mask is risking that the actual self may not be liked, which makes the individual feel stuck and isolated.