How To Open Up When You Have BPD
When you have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), it can be challenging and frightening to open up and express your feelings. At some point in their lives, they learned that their feelings are either weird or invalid and as a result, they now fear being vulnerable. Additionally, they frequently feel as though their problems are a burden on others.
In this article, we're going to talk about why people have a hard time opening up to others, 4 things that you can do to be more at ease with it, how you can motivate someone with BPD to open up, and what to do when someone with BPD opens up too much.
Opening up when you have BPD
People with BPD often want to distance themselves from their emotions since it feels too intense. However, if they truly want to be able to regulate their emotions, they have to become more connected with their feelings. The ability to reflect and be self-aware is crucial for someone with BPD that wants to improve. Of course, being self-aware won't immediately fix someone's life, but it is the fundamental first step.
Let's imagine that you're comfortable exploring your emotions by yourself but still find it hard to be vulnerable with others. It may be that you don't want to burden other people with your problems or that you are genuinely terrified of getting your feelings rejected. When it comes to negative emotions like sadness, anger, frustration, or shame, we frequently don't feel like sharing them. In contrast, we are more at ease discussing positive emotions like happiness, courage, and accomplishment. It's because when we experience a negative emotion, we feel vulnerable, and when we feel vulnerable, we want to hide or isolate ourselves. This is a basic human response, especially for people with BPD. Why would someone show their true selves by sharing something negative if they are terrified of the potential rejection?
Oftentimes, when we share negative emotions, the response that we get is a paradoxical invalidating response.
When you say: ''Oh, I don't feel like I'm attractive.'' your friends that care about you are likely to answer ''Oh, you're crazy! How could you not feel attractive when you are so beautiful? You're so amazing! How could you be so stupid that you don't recognize your own beauty? What's wrong with you that you can't see it?''
Frequently, when we share negative emotions, oddly enough, people are actually quite devaluing, and that's where someone learns that their emotions are supposedly weird. So, what is the correct approach for handling a situation where someone shares negative emotions? It's quite simple, you show compassion and ask them why they are feeling the way they feel. The best you can do is help someone to be more self-aware and reflective. It's important that people, BPD or not, feel that their emotions are valid and not weird.
Additionally, children who grew up in environments where they always had to ''be strong'' and not show emotion will also have a hard time opening up to others later in life.
4 Things you can do to open up