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When to Tell Your Partner You Have Borderline Personality Disorder?

Most people with Borderline personality disorder (BPD) tend to share far too much when they don't need to, but for some, disclosing a diagnosis of BPD in a new relationship can be difficult with the fear of your partner leaving. BPD is a mental health condition that is often stigmatized and misunderstood, which can make it hard for people with BPD to feel confident and comfortable sharing their diagnosis with others.

In this article, we’ll discuss if you should tell your partner about BPD, when to tell someone that you have BPD, and how to tell your partner that you have BPD.

Should I tell my partner I have BPD?

BPD is a challenging condition when it comes to dealing with relationships, especially romantic ones. People generally try to keep their distance from others suffering from BPD due to the negative stigma that the media brought upon the disorder. However, people with BPD have a high level of empathy and love very intensely, which for some is too much but for others, exactly what they need in a relationship. Additionally, with treatment, people with BPD are capable to have stable and loving relationships just like any other typical person.

Someone with BPD might constantly fear the end of their relationships and be scared to talk about their condition. However, for a healthy relationship, especially if you have BPD, your partner must know about the disorder so they can help you manage your symptoms instead of misunderstanding your highs and lows. It's normal to be anxious about how your partner will react to the news that you have BPD. However, try to keep in mind that while BPD is a component of who you are, it still does not define who you are as a person.

So, should I tell him/her I have BPD? The answer is yes. If you are serious with your partner and want a long-lasting relationship, you should tell your partner that you have BPD. Ultimately, it’s important to remember that a relationship is built on trust and communication. BPD is not something you can hide, it will reveal itself, and it will affect your behavior toward your partner. By not disclosing your BPD, you’re depriving your partner of the opportunity to support you. Additionally, if your partner doesn’t know about your diagnosis, they may misinterpret certain behaviors as a personal attack or simply not know how to deal with it. I personally think that keeping your BPD a secret increases the likelihood that your partner will leave you.

On the one hand, we worry about being rejected and judged, which might cause us to hide our diagnosis. But on the other hand, talking openly about BPD can improve our relationship by allowing us to get understanding and validation from our partner.

When to tell someone you have BPD

When you have a new relationship, you may want to wait until you feel more comfortable and secure before telling someone that you have BPD. It's important to feel that you can trust this person before disclosing something this personal. Consider whether you feel safe and supported in the relationship. And when you feel like it's time, reveal your condition in a calm moment rather than doing so in a moment of stress and uncertainty.

In the end, telling someone you have BPD is a very personal decision. And every time you need to make this decision, the circumstances are completely unique. Every relationship is different, and the potential benefits and troubles will not be the same as before. There is much to consider, and only you can decide as to what is right for you in the long run. It's important to consider your own feelings and needs, as well as the potential impact on the relationship. If you do decide to disclose, it may be helpful to have a supportive friend or therapist to talk to about your feelings and concerns.

How to tell your partner you have BPD

Explaining BPD to your partner can be very difficult since BPD cannot be effectively explained or learned in one conversation. BPD has a wide range of symptoms, and not all will apply to you. You should describe BPD by what it means for you in day-to-day life. This usually entails explaining that you occasionally find it difficult or impossible to control your emotions, which results in ups and downs that are greater than what the typical person experiences. From that point on, you can explain how this emotional dysregulation affects your life. You may also want to comment on what it means to have meaningful relationships, your struggles with low self-esteem, feelings of loneliness, or anything else you are dealing with. Lastly, it may be beneficial to say that BPD is often comorbid with other conditions such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc.

Most people, in my experience, are quite accepting of BPD and genuinely want to support when they can. Don't be afraid that you'll drive the other person away. Honestly, we all have our fair share of baggage and unsolved issues.


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