top of page

Why You May Be Attracted to Someone with BPD

In matters of the heart, attraction is a complex phenomenon influenced by various factors. In relationships with BPD, the Law of Attraction may manifest as an intense and often unpredictable emotional pull, creating a unique dynamic between individuals. One factor that has intrigued psychologists, researchers, and individuals alike is the attraction of certain personalities to individuals with BPD.

Couple sitting on roof with candles

In this article, we'll delve into the types of personalities drawn to individuals with BPD. We'll also check out the signs that someone with BPD is into you and the signs they might be losing interest.


Which personalities of people are attracted to Individuals with BPD?


1. Empathetic Individuals: People who possess high levels of empathy may be drawn to individuals with BPD due to their ability to understand and share the intense emotions experienced by those with BPD.


2. Fixers and Caretakers: Individuals with a strong desire to help and "fix" others may find themselves attracted to the perceived vulnerability of individuals with BPD. This can create a dynamic where one person takes on the caretaker role.


3. Thrivers in Emotional Intensity: Some personalities are attracted to the emotional intensity that often characterizes relationships involving individuals with BPD. The highs and lows may be intriguing for those who enjoy a more emotionally charged experience.


4. Drama Seekers: Individuals who thrive on conflict or drama in relationships may also be attracted to the turbulent emotional landscape often found in connections with those with BPD.


5. Emotionally Resilient Individuals: People who have a solid sense of self and are less likely to be influenced by the emotional fluctuations of others may be better equipped to handle the intense dynamics that can arise in relationships with individuals with BPD.


6. Seekers of Deep Connections: People who appreciate and seek deep emotional connections may be drawn to individuals with BPD who can offer a profound and intense emotional experience in relationships.


7. Low Self-Esteem Individuals: Individuals with low self-esteem who may be susceptible to "love bombing" may find themselves drawn to the intense and overwhelming affection exhibited by individuals with BPD.


These points offer general insights into why some people may be attracted to individuals with BPD. Keep in mind that individuals are unique, and attraction is a complex mix of different factors. These descriptions are not universal and may not capture every situation. Relationships are diverse, and understanding them requires a nuanced perspective.


Attraction and BPD

Individuals attracted to those with BPD often seek the intense emotional experiences that these relationships offer. The depth of emotion in BPD relationships becomes a magnet for those who seek connections beyond the ordinary. The rollercoaster of emotions, from highs to lows, proves captivating for those drawn to heightened emotional dynamics. The drama in relationships with individuals with BPD becomes irresistible, offering an engaging emotional journey. At the core of BPD is the pervasive fear of abandonment, attracting individuals who desire to provide reassurance and stability. Some possess a natural inclination to offer a sense of security, forming a potent bond with someone facing constant fears of abandonment.


Empathy plays a significant role in drawing certain individuals to those with BPD. The empathetic ones are driven by a genuine desire to save or mend, stemming from a profound understanding of the struggles faced by individuals dealing with BPD. While relationships involving BPD present unique challenges, some find the rewards to outweigh the difficulties. Despite the intense nature of these relationships, some individuals are drawn to the depth of emotion and the potential for profound connections that can be forged through understanding and unwavering support.


Signs that someone with BPD is attracted to you


1. Individuals with BPD may form intense emotional connections quickly. If you notice that the person becomes emotionally invested in you rapidly or opens up and shares their vulnerabilities, it is a sign of attraction.


2. One of the core features of BPD is a fear of abandonment. If someone with BPD is attracted to you, they might display behaviors or express feelings that reflect a fear of you leaving them. Also, Individuals with BPD may be highly sensitive to perceived rejection. If they are attracted to you, they might react strongly to even subtle cues of rejection, expressing intense emotions or seeking reassurance.


3. Individuals with BPD might put you on a pedestal when attracted to you. They may see you as an ideal partner or an exceptionally positive force in their life. And when they feel hurt, this can shift the idealization to moments of devaluation, where they may express negative feelings.


4. Impulsivity is another characteristic of BPD. If they are attracted to you, they may engage in impulsive behaviors, such as making sudden plans or expressing intense emotions without much warning.


5. When someone with BPD is attracted to you, they may show a heightened concern for your well-being. This can manifest as a keen interest in your emotions, health, and overall happiness, often going above and beyond to provide support.


6. They will feel a desire for constant communication. Individuals with BPD may frequently reach out to you through texts, calls, or social media, seeking reassurance and maintaining a close connection.


Remember, while these signs can be indicative of attraction, they are not exclusive to individuals with BPD, and it's crucial to consider the broader context of the relationship and individual differences.


Factors for individuals with BPD to lose interest in relationships

Individuals with BPD may experience intense and fluctuating emotions, leading to changes in their interests and perceptions of others.


1. Individuals with BPD may struggle with uncertainty and inconsistency. If your behavior is unpredictable or if you frequently change your stance on important matters, it could lead to confusion and a loss of interest.


2. Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, and individuals with BPD may be sensitive to perceived intrusions. If you consistently violate their boundaries or fail to establish clear and respectful boundaries, it may lead to discomfort and a decline in interest.


3. If someone with BPD perceives that you are pulling away or abandoning them, it can trigger intense anxiety and potentially lead to a loss of interest as a defense mechanism.


4. People with BPD may be particularly sensitive to criticism and rejection. If you consistently criticize or reject them, even if unintentionally, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a subsequent loss of interest.


5. Empathy and understanding are crucial in any relationship, but they are especially important when dealing with someone with BPD. If you consistently lack empathy or fail to understand their perspective, it may contribute to a sense of isolation and a decline in interest.


6. Validation is essential for individuals with BPD who often experience intense emotions. If you consistently invalidate or minimize their feelings, it can lead to frustration and a diminishing interest in the relationship.

7. Matching their intense emotions can foster connection, but if you consistently struggle to understand or match their emotional intensity, it may contribute to a loss of interest.


Remember, each individual is unique, and attraction is a deeply personal experience. While exploring the dynamics of attraction to BPD, it's important to approach these insights with empathy and an open mind, recognizing the diversity of human experiences and relationships.

bottom of page